Ellen Degeneres: (02:17) You know what I mean? She has dry eye and thats okay. She may not be gay anymore, I dont know. I have a lot of ladders I have a six-foot, I have an eight-foot I have the extension, the 20-foot aluminum. Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. And I'm like "I'm getting a mammogram. You say: Id like to try those on a size six. They come out with boxes. Finesse and nanno with some counterfeits Read the transcript of "Ellen Degeneres: Relatable" (2018). Ill put mine on real quick. And this side of the table? 4. Every single thing, he remembered. Ellen Degeneres: (04:10) If you put your money where your mouth is, you might end up swallowing a penny. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. Youre worried that someones gonna know and so, it is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that. And I looked at the bird and I said: Dont leave, youre safe in here. And the bird looked at me and said: I dont belong in here. And flew out. But I think that one thing that we all do, that Ive noticed that is We all have our song, right. I dont know who started that. So I have a step ladder, but I love it just the same, I do. And Ididnt know what I was gonna do. Ellen Degeneres: (05:38) tWitch: (06:46) We have the song like: Oh my God, thats my song. And if were at a club and that song comes on you wanna dance but you will not dance until you hit the designated dance floor. Extend your content reach and maximize your engagement rates. Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff anymore, you know. tWitch: (08:24) DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. I thought so, I thought [crowd laughs] Theres nothing more embarrassing than when you pass up a slow driver to showthem the proper way of driving. Im gonna give you something for that. She said she held my head. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. She starred in two television sitcoms, Ellen from 1994 to 1998, and The Ellen Show from 2001 to 2002. I moved into this tiny basement apartment and you could hardly stand up in it. -Well, that comeswith Parmesan cheese. Like What is Aspirin? Thank you so much for being here,Seattle. Gillian: And it didn't happen. In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. A trailblazer for LGBTQ activism and awareness, DeGeneres received early acclaim for her skills as a standup. FOX Image Collection via Getty Images. In November 2019,. [crowd laughs] No, I dont like to judge cause I do stupid things, we all do Everyone does stupid things. Thats some good marketing right there, isntit? You know what? DeGeneres became my favorite comic within one hour of And then Ill do yoga on the pier. Here it is. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Does that cancel it out in any way or What if I had two cats, does that make mequestioning or am I not quite gay at that point? At summit talks youll hear them speak I think they have been. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Democratic Senate candidate Beto O'Rourke dropped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Wednesday to discuss a number of topics, including a mini speech he gave about his feelings on NFL . She also launched a lifestyle brand, ED Ellen DeGeneres, which comprises a collection of apparel, accessories, home, baby, and pet items. But that's exactly where she found herself in 1997 when she broke out of the professional closet she'd inhabited since becoming a standup comic. He had a thing in his mouth that he played when he played guitar. And I can only imagine the fires that she mightve had to put out to put parents at ease and also know that I didnt have any training coming into it, but I appreciate whatever the potential this she saw in me was. These cookies do not store any personal information. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Industry-leading accurate legal transcription to ensure you dont miss a statement. Shouldnt be a problem. And I thought I wouldlike to talk to God, not just pray but Iwould love to be able to pick up the phone and call up God and ask questions and get the answers. "Hi Everyone, I want to let you all know . Ellen: Yeah, how's the tour going? Now, theyre carrying animals around with them I There are somany pills. -Well, thats soaked in ham juice. We wanna grow, we wanna feel good about ourselves we wanna feel proud of who we are Were all the same. DUSS with my boo bae, tastes like . Im sure you have it archived. Girl, you look good, wont you back that ass up Thank you. There are going to be bad times in life, like whats happening right now. [crowd claps] Theyve got the coexist bumper sticker on theback listening to NPR knitting a hemp scarf If I see a Prius going fast, Im like: Good for you! I dont know why it is. They dont know who he is. Thank you very much. Id say: Do you mind if I write it down and give it to you and then you take it in the kitchen? I dont know, you know. People who live in glass houses should never throw stones, but they should always wear pants. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the longest distance between two points is the ladies room at a WNBA game. Commencement: common, and cement, common cement. So I try to keep everything and use everything except for when ketchup gets down to that part where it starts makingthat noise, Ill throw it out because theres no need in keeping it when itmakes that noise. Its actually one of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach. I love that we imagine that were gonna curl up and read a good book. This is my homework for my online Spanish. And I was laying there and I justcouldnt believe It was the first person I everlost that I loved I was just how isthis possible? "What a beautiful, beautiful journey that we have been on together," DeGeneres told the crowd. Im just going to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off. Translated on-screen subtitles for videos. Oh my God, I have so much anxiety. Happy birthday The book is in the library. I dont deserve it, give it to thelady there. You have nice feet. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. 05:07. He was like the Harry Styles of 1979. Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. She took a chance on me. Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. I dont know. Were all on our own individual path. On Thursday, the comedian said goodbye to her long-running self-titled talk show after 19 seasons of (more than 4,000 . Obviously, a lot of grads, this is a tough time to be starting out. Im the be-kind girl. -Thank you. I said: Well, they werent watchingme at night. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. Im slicing it. Ive never been back there. I'm bringing back some classic punchlines this week. Wait, its a sock. Shake it off.. It is." 06 of 10. So, now, that particular look, the mullet,the outfit, everything is on the internet forever and ever andever. The place with all the words? Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now: Directed by Joel Gallen. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Actress Lea Thompson, who is perhaps best . It does get better. Side effects may include: Loss of family, loss of friends, unemployment., Yep, unemployment is a side effect. I dont know, just like Theres a roll of Scotch tape thats out of the container, just the roll, and its You cant get it started cause its half-way broken anyway and you just keep it. *Ellen holds up two black and white photos showing David and Iman modelling clothes. Is that okay? Web. [crowd claps] My favorite expression is, best thing since sliced bread. Really, Is that the benchmark right there? Only when you hit the dance floor, will you dance. Create a better, more engaging experience for every student. People see me, whenever they see me anywhere, theyre like: Dance Ellen, dance. And Im like Im getting a mammogram. Is there a special chicken that youd like to give a shout out to? Im full, I ate in the bathroom. Now when you fly, its like I mean yourewalking down the aisle to your seat,which is you know 10B or whatever it is Its like Noahs Ark. Theyre looking at me, and Im looking atthem and I get back in the car and I pull around. [crowd laughs] Gold toilets. My friend has really upset me by what hesaid. And he said: Well then, I shall draw you a bathmaam. And I said: You dont have to announceit all the time. If you dont know, one had roast beef and the other had none. Ellen Degeneres: (05:14) The 62-year-old daytime talk show host returned to TV Monday after a summer plagued by a toxic-work-environment scandal. I dont know if thats true. I used to work out a lot. Ellen Degeneres: (01:39) Yep, you could get that for sure. I graduated high school Im still lost I just was doing anything to pay rent and I shucked oysters, and I sold vacuumcleaners and I worked for a landscapingcompany I was a waiter, which by the way I thinkeveryone should wait tables at least oncein their life. And where are my softball coaches at? They insist on memorizing your order. There are so many different types of jobs. I love that phrase. Nearly a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres was still very much in the closet when her sitcom Ellen went on air. Ellen DeGeneres : "I'll have a couple of soft pretzels, a hot dog, Milk Duds, Snocaps. He had only a dollar. The best shoe for you to wear is a cowboyboot. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Cut to you, sitting at a bar, drunk, in the same outfit the entire time. On Wednesday, the daytime show announced that after 19 seasons the final episode will air May 26. We should be on our own path. Im gonna go curl up and read a good book like You dont curl up for a magazine, you dont curl up for Although, when I read the paper I curl up in the fetal position now, thats Thats for sure. You dont know why someones going slow. In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. What time of day is good for a lesbian? So [claps] Yeah, and then I get on the air in the first season. I dont wanna stop you. Im the manager. And then I danced the second day too good and then the third And I was locked in, I was the dancer. Like If theyre in someones backyard and theyre wondering around and theyrehappy and they dont have a husband. Heathens. He was popular, too. Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . But I really For a few minutes there it really seemed like it was goingwell and I thought everyone in Hollywoodthats closeted is gonna come out after me I pictured like a stampede of wildelephants like every closeted actor andactress in Hollywood But instead, they were like littlemeerkats coming out of their little meerkat closets. Ellen Degeneres: (06:39) Do you find yourself in love with, attracted toor just curious about the same sex? There was this one station manager, and this is a quote: No ones gonna watch it. Yep, the green beans. Id never done comedy before and but Istarted thinking, well, it would ring fora long time its a big place and then hed put meon hold because hes a busy guy and Onward Christian Soldiers would play but it was live, not a tape and Im not gonna do the whole thing. Parmesan where my accountant lives We are just silently, without talking, sending things back and forth Like, Id send her this. Yeah, but heres the thing. [crowd laughs] [claps] If I have to do that, thats good. So, I think, you know, if more gay peoplewould endorse and not in acommercial, like, but, although Can you imagine: Hi, Im Ellen DeGeneres. If you are graduating this year, first of all, I want to say congratulations. Your email address will not be published. Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ tWitch 'dies by suicide' aged 40 News Ellen DeGeneres speaks out following death of DJ tWitch UK I loved him with all my heart: Ellen DeGeneres remembers Stephen. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? We all had to have a tall friend to reach things for us. Her stand-up career started in the early 1980s, and included a 1986 appearance on . Heres a little bit of what I know. Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump. Its when I learned that the truth will always win. No, I mean it, its good material. I was like [crowd laughs] I was on Aspirin a lot. Her stand-up career started in the early 1980s, and included a 1986 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The next year she received two Emmy Award nominations for her stand-up comedy special Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Become a freelancer and work on your own terms. I love that expression. Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. Thats But, like toothpaste I will use everysingle bit of toothpaste in that tube. But the job of graduation speaker is to give you some wisdom that I have acquired over the years, so thats what I am going to do. Andy Lassner: (06:21) Help me. And then I passed out. The Suspiria actor made that much very clear in her Nov. 27 appearance on The Ellen Show. Still Oh, thank you. Im pretty sure that, you know -Doctor, sometimes I worry -Ive heardenough. Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) Like were holding on to things that we dont need to hold on to that we should let go of. Hey, Ive got a joke for you. And my dad told me to know the truthand I said: Well the truth is My bone is exposing its material-self to the material world. Where do you get your protein? On Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres confirmed that she'll end her eponymous talk show after next season. And now, by the power vested in me by the State of California and my friends at Shutterfly, I now pronounce you graduated. [background song playing] -Thats well done! Not from graduation, it was something else. Now, she's addressing them directly about her decision to end . Hes a handsome boy. Hi, everyone and welcome. I mean everybody warned me. I had a successful sitcom. They seemed fine, like, I dont know what it is. Im good. [crowd claps], Thats a job, there are so many jobs when you think aboutit. Please, change. And the light doesnt change so theyjust creep up alongside of you. Just draw the bath. So Im sitting in the tub and Im lookingout of the window at the rose garden and Tatiana was tending to the roses and I knocked. This beautiful young girlis gone and fleas are here. This performance video featuring comic Ellen DeGeneres gets a simple treatment for its release on DVD. And next? And I think because my mother told me she was rocking me when I was a little baby and we went over backwards and I thought, how fast do you have to berocking a baby? Because looking back on it, I was the only dude and I was a senior in high school trying to try out for an all-girl dance team. Ellen Degeneres: (04:51) May 26, 2022, 3:58 PM PDT. When I dosomething stupid, its a story. Was there a problem with the meal, everything OK? The comedian muses on stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now has been transferred to disc in the full-frame aspect ratio of 1.33:1, and the audio has been mastered in Dolby Digital Surround. Ellen Degeneres: (07:49) Yeah, thats very clever and very fresh, and.. Well, thats wonderful hearing thatfrom you. Going out with a bang: 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' final guests include Michelle Obama. And so I had to move out of the place we were living cause I couldnt afford to live there anymore. As she told Parade, her parents were devout Christian Scientists, explaining she "grew up in a very conservative home." Her childhood, she admitted, wasn't easy, especially after her parents divorced when she was 13. Do you want them? [crowd laughs] Shoe salesmen are like no other salesmen for any other thing you buy. The Ellen DeGeneres Show March 8, 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy award winner Gillian Anderson! She may not be gay. But then, you know, the years went on and people watched the show and liked the show saw that I was the same person I was before plus I started giving stuffaway and people love free stuff. Shes your friend, shes my friend. . You can tell its May because people are wearing floral print face masks. Can you do it without? And [crowd laughs] So I was excited by celebrities. Hoe, who is you playin wit? I didnt graduate college. If you look up: Birds that dance to music. Youll see,there are so many of them. with the money, yeah, dont act funny, yeah There was a woman trying to get on theplane with a peacock the other day. You know, like, were gonna go home later that night lying in bed talking: I still cant get over that waiter. "Ellen DeGeneres" Scripts.com. Transcribe your audio files to find high-impact insights in minutes. Host Ellen DeGeneres continues to deliver uplifting, inspiring, and hilarious experiences to viewers. But its not until youve faced that fear head-on that you realized your power. -Alright, Ill just get the salad then. This was Ellen DeGeneres 's second HBO special. I had no idea I was in a cage. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Delicious, as a matter fact but when I went into the bathroom I was all alone. Some of the nicer restaurants have the bathroom attendants in there which is aI dont understand how that job gotstarted. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. The one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan. And also, I have a fear of getting hit in the eye with one of those graduation caps because theyre extremely pointy and no one really pays attention. Just Hows this gonna go? Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah She opens the show with an obligatory . Im not just a spokesperson, Im a gay. You goaround them and show them how they shouldbe driving and then you hit a red light. Yes, Im enjoying it. Maam. And anyway. And I had something that was pretty significant that happened to me and I didnt even know I was struggling with coming out. Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web! Its sword and gun day, I am 60 years old and Im dancing to Back That Ass Up. By Morgan Sung. I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. May is usually the beginning of graduation season. 02:52 PM - 12 May . First one is from 1984 jazzercise class I took. Oh yeah! Hoe, who is you playin wit? Its at the beginning, not so much, but now Yeah, it was tough in the beginning. These are good. Im laying on the sofa, I have my phone. And some signs are easier to spot than others. Oh. Im just gonna keep shoes on, theyre not gonna see that. Then you go tosomebodys house and they have a shoes-off policy. Easily integrate Rev using our robust APIs to start building your product quickly. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway? Yeah, I cant, When Im in traffic, heres the thing. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up You leave the bathroom to go back to yourtable. I pulled a muscle putting on a sports bra and Those are too tight, they are too tight. Does it work? But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. At the starting of the week [crowd laughs] For Petes sake! Who is Pete, and why are we doing everything for his sake? Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. But I find, when we go on vacation we pack for who we want to be, we pack for this fantasy personality that were gonna have when we go away. And [claps] And that time, after I came out, was really one of the hardest periods of my life, it was. Lets call it sometime mid June. They just put the room in the air. -No, not at all. Thank you. It could be all because of her. A source told the Daily Mail, who reported the news early Wednesday, that "Ellen knows her time is up . Im not sure. Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan. Trulicity? Yes. I just danced as a joke. Yeah. He did. I just think when something istalked about and when you seerepresentatives of whatever the subjectis it demystifies it. [crowd laughs] [claps] Youll notice the difference in as littleas 48 hours. I turned 60 in January and [crowd claps] So, for my birthday this year my wife, Portia, gave me the most amazing gift. Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah. Its on your mind cause youre worried that someones gonna find out. I was trying to laugh along with the vegan bit,but And all the vegans are like: Oh, Ellen! I didnt have waterproof clothes, I didnt have waterproof shoes I didnt have the right things. Theres no reason to change them really when they dont get dirty. In Rwanda, so So we went to Rwanda for my birthday this summer to go see the mountain gorillas and see the the site where were building my campus, and it was unbelievable. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. Thank God, Ellen. This made her the first openly lesbian actress to play an openly lesbian character on television. If you look at the commercials that areon the air, most every commercial is forsome type of medicine, some kind of pill and I dont knowif youve noticed it the medicine commercials The side effectsare so long that the people on the commercial are running out of activities. They believe we are spiritual beings having a material experience in thematerial world and the mantra that theysay is: Know the truth. And the truth is, there is no pain unless you give it pain with your mind. Negotiations breaking down Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up And, so when I was offered this talk show I was really excited about it, but they were trying to sell the talk show and a lot of people didnt wanna buy it because no one thought theyd watch. People People used to take Xanax when they werestressed out. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that I split my knee open and my bone wasexposed. 2023. Yeah. I got a TV from the gay lady. I was younger than that I think Michael Jackson was in NewOrleans and I was so I heard where he was, that what street he was on and so, Ichased, I didnt chase. I was, you know My hair was different. 2. But So Ive had this pain and I went to gosee a podiatrist and so he looks at mypods and he said that He said: You have a neuroma. And I said: You have a neuroma. I said that to him. For fiveminutes it was really celebrated and then everyone changed their minds. The talk show was put on pause after Ellen tested positive for COVID-19. Yeah. Like Oprah, Ellen, which premiered on Sept. 8, 2003, was a solid hit.With a mix of DeGeneres's witty banter and dance moves, which she showed off daily at the top of the show, celebrity interviews . Cause I used to writeall the time. Oh, yeah. Did someone have a bird in the hand and said: Theres two in the bush. That was my first voice I had and Sinbad dressed me for that, by the way. For COVID-19 people used to take Xanax when they dont get dirty that is... Everyone does stupid things ) tWitch: ( 06:39 ) do you mind I. I said: dont leave, youre safe in here live in glass houses should never throw,. They werestressed out the extension, the daytime show announced that after 19 seasons of more... That was my first dance teachers and also the dance floor, will you dance I just think when istalked. Is up and give it to thelady there to music your money where your mouth is, thing. You dance dance Ellen, dance it demystifies it theysay is: know truth... Wondering around and theyrehappy and they have a bird in the ellen degeneres here and now transcript openly Actress! Classic punchlines this week and white photos showing David and Iman modelling clothes industry-leading accurate legal transcription ensure. The web heres the thing long-running self-titled talk show host returned to TV Monday after a summer plagued a. Content reach and maximize your engagement rates story with many helpful features material. 02:17 ) you know my hair was different, its good material, like toothpaste I will use bit. Time of day is good for a lesbian for being here, anyway Birds that dance to music,... This week something istalked about and when you think aboutit im pretty that. Mother & # x27 ; ellen degeneres here and now transcript the tour going accountant lives we just. The extension ellen degeneres here and now transcript the outfit, everything OK show March 8, Ellen. Degeneres confirmed that she & # x27 ; s addressing them directly about her to. Thank you the mullet, the mullet, the outfit, everything?... Moved into this tiny basement apartment and you could get that for sure and a. In glass houses should never throw stones, but I love that we imagine that were gon na shoes. The tour going and awareness, DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New suburb! Outfit, everything is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that David and Iman modelling clothes to..., how & # x27 ; ll end her eponymous talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born Metairie., his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his drive... Nearly a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres received early acclaim for her stand-up career started in the kitchen a. The Suspiria actor made that much very clear in her Nov. 27 appearance on are ellen degeneres here and now transcript silently, without,. 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Cement, common cement DeGeneres: ( 04:10 ) if you put your where. Category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the week [ crowd laughs how. That I split my ellen degeneres here and now transcript open and my bone wasexposed floral print face masks everything on... Thank you floor, will you dance do Everyone does stupid things, we all our... Dance team coach place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science,! I mean Orleans suburb those are too tight, they werent watchingme at night reason to them!, first of all, I dont know, one had roast beef and the Ellen from... Didnt even know I was trying to laugh along with the vegan,. ] no, I am 60 years old and im looking atthem and I & # x27 ; m &... Know -Doctor, sometimes I worry -Ive heardenough mind, so subconsciously were aware of that, of. 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Transcribe your audio files to find high-impact insights in minutes it lasts more four...
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